


867-5309

by aesoprock



Series: Aesop's South Park Oneshots [1]
Category: 867-5309/Jenny - Tommy Tutone (Song), South Park
Genre: Fluff, Long-Distance Relationship (kind of), Long-Distance friendship (kind of), M/M, No Angst, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesoprock/pseuds/aesoprock
Summary: Stan texts a random number.Based on 867-5309 / Jenny by Tommy Tutone
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Series: Aesop's South Park Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821925
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	867-5309

_ (720) 867-5309 _

_ For a “good time” _

Stan zipped his pants back up and stared at the numbers and letters scrawled on the side of the stall with a permanent marker.  _ For a good time.  _ Just some old cougar-prostitutes number. Or maybe it was an older male prostitute, since the number was inside the men’s bathroom.

He was only seventeen, but could easily pass as twenty, or even twenty-one when he got into bars.

What would be the harm? If it was a creepy old man, he could just block the number. If it was a hot girl, well...

Fishing his phone out of his back pocket, he quickly saved the number and left the greasy cesspool that was called a gas station bathroom.

-

It was 7 PM when he got the message.

Kyle groaned and picked his phone up off of his desk, assuming Kenny messaged him, asking if he wanted to hang out and smoke a joint or something like that. Well, too bad for Kenny- Kyle was studying for his midterms, practically drowning in pre-law, psychology, and Spanish II papers. He made the terrible mistake of taking electives that required a lot of brainpower for his senior year, but he wasn’t just going to back out on them now. Not when he had college right around the corner, and scholarships at stake.

**_(720) 249-4948: um hey_ **

Who the hell was this? There was only one person in school that typed in all lowercase, and that was Craig.

**_Kyle: Hey. You get a new phone, Craig?_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: no_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: my name is stan. sorry_ **

Kyle rolled his eyes. Stan. Whoever that was. He didn’t have time for this.

**_Kyle: Ok cool. How did you get my number?_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: uh_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: gas station bathroom_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: it was a bp_ **

**_Kyle: A BP?_ **

**_Kyle: Where?_ **

**_(720) 249-4948: denver_ **

There could only be one person that would write his number on the wall in the bathroom, and that was Cartman. And with his recent trip out of Colorado, it made sense that he would hit a gas station on the way.

**_(720) 249-4948: are you a prostitute_ **

**_Kyle: Fucking Cartman_ **

**_Kyle: No._ **

**_Kyle: I’m not a fucking prostitute_ **

**_Kyle: Don’t text this number again. I’m busy._ **

After changing Stan’s contact name, Kyle set his phone back on his desk, face-down this time. He got back to work on his pre-law paper.

-

It was a long, restless night. Kyle tossed and turned, but ultimately couldn’t fall asleep. So his mind wandered, and he thought about that text he got- Stan? From Denver?

Kyle unplugged his phone from its charger and turned it on, only to see one notification.

**_Stan: okay.. bye_ **

He decided to send a text back. Not like he had anything better to do- most of his studying was over, and he didn’t want to deal with anyone else from school.

**_Kyle: So.. how old are you, Stan?_ **

Kyle received a reply back almost immediately. He originally thought “Stan” was just some lonely 40-year old man who wanted a blowjob and decided to text the number on the grimy BP wall, but he could be wrong.

**_Stan: why? i thought u didnt want to talk to me anymore_ **

**_Kyle: I’m 17._ **

**_Stan: oh_ **

**_Stan: thats weird actually im 17 too_ **

**_Kyle: Oh yeah?_ **

**_Kyle: What year were you born, then?_ **

Without any hesitation, Stan texted back.

**_Stan: 2002_ **

**_Stan: october 19th_ **

**_Kyle: Maybe you aren’t a predator then._ **

**_Kyle: Well, I only messaged you because I couldn’t sleep._ **

**_Stan: how nice of you_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah._ **

**_Kyle: So you just text random numbers you find? Is that how lonely you are?_ **

**_Stan: actually yes_ **

That was actually kind of sad. Thinking of what to say next, Kyle dimmed the brightness on his phone.

**_Kyle: That sucks._ **

**_Kyle: I’m Kyle_ **

**_Stan: i thought you were a girl_ **

**_Kyle: No. Some asshole from school put my number on the wall when he was leaving Colorado for a stupid trip_ **

**_Kyle: Guess I’m going to get a lot of random texts now huh?_ **

**_Stan: hah yea_ **

**_Stan: can you keep talking to me tho?_ **

**_Kyle: ...Fine_ **

**_Stan: ok_ **

**_Stan: what do you look like_ **

**_Kyle: Nevermind. This is weird. Goodnight_ **

-

Stan woke up the next day, threw some clothes on, ran his fingers through his greasy hair and somehow made it to school, trudging through the hallways and sleeping through most of his classes. He’d been too tired to drive himself to school that day, so he wound up taking the bus, which unfortunately meant he had to ride it the way back home too. Bummer.

His phone dinged when he sat down. Stan almost decided to ignore it, before remembering the boy he texted throughout the day yesterday.  _ Kyle. _

Stan turned on his phone, and smiled when he saw that it was him, after all.

**_Kyle: I have red hair and freckles._ **

**_Kyle: Just in case you’re still wondering_ **

**_Stan: i was_ **

**_Stan: you sound cute_ **

**_Kyle: Ew_ **

**_Stan: you’re welcome_ **

**_Kyle: What do you look like?_ **

**_Stan: unbelievably ugly_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah right. Show me_ **

**_Stan: no_ **

**_Kyle: Stop being insecure, it’s not gonna get you anywhere_ **

**_Stan: i’m just being honest_ **

**_Kyle: Ok, let’s make a deal. I’ll send you a picture of me and then you send one back and then I’ll tell you if you’re actually ugly or not._ **

**_Stan: no sorry. my phone is so shitty that i cant send pictures_ **

**_Stan: or receive them_ **

**_Stan: sorry :(_ **

**_Kyle: Liar. I’m sending you one_ **

**_Kyle: I expect one back_ **

**_Kyle: [1 image]_ **

Stan tapped on the picture and smiled fondly at the picture of Kyle. Kyle never mentioned the fact that he had curly hair, or a cute smile, or a nice jawline…

**_Kyle: Now send one back_ **

Stan was snapped out of his thoughts by the new text.

**_Kyle: Wow. Unfair. Guess we’re done talking now_ **

**_Stan: okok ill send one_ **

**_Stan: jeez_ **

Scrolling through his camera roll, Stan picked a picture of himself that he thought was subpar and sent it, cringing at the thought of Kyle seeing the picture, judging him, studying the pimples on his chin.. still, it was only fair. It was the deal.

**_Kyle: Told you. You aren’t ugly_ **

**_Stan: almost average_ **

**_Kyle: No_ **

**_Kyle: Dude shut up_ **

**_Kyle: You’re hot_ **

His face reddened at that. Kyle thought he was… hot? Or was he just lying to make him feel better?

**_Stan: are you sure?_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah._ **

**_Stan: you’re not just saying it to make me feel better_ **

**_Stan: like actually_ **

**_Kyle: Like actually_ **

**_Kyle: You’re hot_ **

**_Stan: so if you were a girl you would date me_ **

**_Kyle: Uh_ **

**_Kyle: I’m gay so I would date you anyway_ **

Stan’s lips parted slightly in surprise. Kyle would date him?

_ Oh shit. Oh god, what do I say? _

**_Kyle: You hate me now? Didn’t mean to make it weird._ **

**_Kyle: But whatever_ **

**_Stan: nono sorry_ **

**_Stan: its okay_ **

**_Stan: ttahns_ **

**_Stan: *thanks i mean_ **

**_Stan: youre hot too_ **

**_Stan: i mean_ **

**_Stan: and_ **

**_Stan: cute_ **

**_Stan: uh_ **

**_Stan: id date you too_ **

**_Stan: idk just_ **

**_Stan: i didnt know you had curly hair_ **

**_Stan: sorry ill shut up_ **

**_Kyle: Dude._ **

**_Stan: sorry_ **

**_Kyle: You’re adorable_ **

**_Stan: oh?_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah_ **

**_Kyle: You live in Colorado right?_ **

**_Stan: yeah why?_ **

**_Kyle: Denver?_ **

**_Stan: yeah?_ **

**_Kyle: Oh my god_ **

**_Kyle: We could meet up. I don’t live that far away_ **

**_Kyle: I live in South Park. You could like_ **

**_Kyle: Come to my house and everything_ **

**_Stan: dude really?_ **

**_Stan: i have a car_ **

**_Stan: when are you free_ **

**_Kyle: I can do this weekend. Or anytime during winter break. Just don’t come around Hanukkah because my parents will get all obsessive and you’ll want to leave_ **

**_Stan: oh my god hanukkah? you’re jewish?_ **

**_Kyle: Yeah? You couldn’t tell from my huge fucking nose?_ **

**_Stan: it’s not big dude_ **

**_Stan: it’s cute_ **

**_Kyle: Whatever_ **

**_Kyle: Thanks though_ **

**_Kyle: Can you do this weekend? Dude I’m gonna be so stressed out from midterms_ **

**_Stan: yea im free_ **

**_Stan: send me your address_ **

**_Stan: cutie_ **

Stan turned his phone off, smiling ear to ear as his head rested against the window pane.  His phone dinged a couple times. Stan grinned wider, lost in thought. There was a cute boy in South Park who thought he was hot. Hot enough to date. And now Stan had his address, and next Friday, he would drive down to see him.

**Author's Note:**

> why did i write this


End file.
